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Ek Phool do mali %25E2%2580%2593 O floare doi gradina


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in sufertas tineam iahnia de - de cosmacpan la: 18/08/2005 13:41:41
(la: TRANCANEALA NEARISTOCRATA)
in sufertas tineam iahnia de fasole,
si-un bors de loboda, si-o mamaliga rece.
iar feelingul strengar, se intindea alene
catand in zare la atase cu motoare.
asa cum gandu-i sincer si curat,
indiferent de-i male ori female,
cu toti dintr-o gradina am plecat,
caci curiozitatea a fost mult mai mare.
cum bine bagi de seama,
la strofe nu prea-s bun,
cat despre trancaneala.....
accept si ma supun.
#66188 (raspuns la: #66149) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
pas mal... _______________ - de Daniel Racovitan la: 18/07/2004 14:58:08
(la: Jogging)
pas mal...

_______________________________________________
"Where did where do you want to go today go?"
partial???hai sa-ti explic! - de ufo strengaritza la: 24/12/2003 22:44:38
(la: imaginea romanilor peste granite)
pai hai sa te lamuresc cu ce am patit eu...nu aveam decat 16 ani cand m-am imprietenit cu niste belgieni care venisera la o casa de copii di jud Mures.Asta se intampla in 2002.Unul din ei care era dj se mira ca eu ascult muzica de club,pt ca romanii asculta malele."here everybody lisen to manele,i hate manele" xxx sau mergem cu fetele de la casa de copii la o apa blestemata si mizerabila...cica sa facem baie...fetele majoritatea tiganci,hop in apa!vin belgienii si ma intreaba,(ei nu ar fi intrat in apa,nici eu de altfel...)dar tu de ce nu faci baie ca esti romanca...(????) xxx si faza cea mai faina e ca ma intreaba serioasa o tipa...da serioasa rau..."do you have a tv???" si mai repeta TV si ma intreaba daca stiu ce e aia...pai cum ma?eu am internet acasa si 3 televizoare,telefon mai adevarat ca al ei, si vine aia si ma intreaba daca am auzit vreodata de televizor???asta e experienta proprie, da am auzit mai multe de la cei care au mai plecat pe ici pe colo, poate nemtii or fi ei mai de treaba dar restul...
#7242 (raspuns la: #7199) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
pas mal - de (anonim) la: 27/03/2004 04:58:35
(la: Din franturi de jurnal)
pas mal
continua; eu unul am sa te citesc.
why don't we do it in the road ? - de Jay la: 12/05/2004 09:07:05
(la: De ce sexul in public e dezaprobat?)
Why don't we do it in the road ?

Se intrebau "gandacii" :-)

Parerea mea:

Daca e sex din dragoste:

In toate culturile,chiar si in cele de porumb,cine face sex din dragoste
vrea sa se uite si sa simta singur gaurile placerii.

Daca e sex de dragul sexului:

Desi placerea poate sa vina din mai multe gauri si de la mai multi ochi
a existat religia care a spus ca......placerea nici nu trebuie sa vina.
Sexul de placere nu exista, trebuie doar sa ne reproducem,asa zice ea.
Asa ca ,daca va credeti credinciosi adevarati si va place sexul in puplic sau ..publicat, va irositi puterile pe ritualuri religioase :-))






----------------------
B free just B
Do help me, please! Am intrat - de anatati la: 24/09/2004 16:36:21
(la: Cum ati defini kitsch-ul?)
Do help me, please! Am intrat pe forum ptr. prima data, mi se pare super interesant (exact ce cautam ptr. discutii), am postat si nu-mi vad mesajele niciunde. Spune acolo ca sunt trimise la moderat. Atunci ex. 2 variante: fie nu au fost acceptate, fie nu stiu eu ce si cum. Ma luminati si pe mine pe mail: anatati_b@yahoo.com. Thanks.

Never feel sorry for yourself!
It's 10 o'clock.Do you know w - de Little Eagle la: 08/11/2004 21:07:10
(la: Copii romani in SUA)
It's 10 o'clock.Do you know where your children are?....
Apoi iti spun eu: ori la discoteca si dau iama in ecstasy,in bautura pe sest cumparata de cineva peste 21 ani,la agatat gagici si dus acasa la o partida de sex si iar droguri si iar bautura.
Nu poti sa-i opresti,adrenalina si hormonii nu asculta de nimeni,e varsta descoperirilor si a emularii celor mari,eventual o gasca,poate un viol ce va duce la pirnaie,altii la crima....
Ca sint cu baieti rai sau buni,de mahala sau de high class,toti se invirtesc in jurul acelorlasi descoperiri:sex,drugs and alcohol.

Sa interzici unui tinar sa nu faca cutare sau cutare lucru,nu e o solutie,intr-o zi va rabufni si va fi poate mai nasol pt. el/ea dar si pt parinti.Psihologic e stiut ca tocmai ceea ce iti e interzis de lege sau parinti,fiind un tabu social,exact inversul va face orice tanar,in cel mai mare %.

Unde este o linie de plutire? poate nu este,poate in final fiecare si-o face singur,ori poate se ineaca...tu esti aici faci cum crezi ca-ti dicteaza constiinta,la fel face si altul in alte forme,nu poti opri fluxul vietii chiar daca este pe un drum gresit.
Dar in definitiv cine zice ca e gresit?Societatea?Politica interna?Legile?Presedintele Bush?Apoi el le cam stie f.bine pe cele droguri si alcohol.

Totul depinde de tine si atata tot.
Nimeni nu te obliga sa ai sex la 14 ani,sa bei sau sa iei drugs!!Ai un ex. chiar in persoana mea!!
Stiu f. bine ce-nseamna sa fii drug addicted,sex and alcohol addicted.
A fost parte din viata mea,dar asta nu ma face vreun ambasador al tinerimii sa-i spun ca este rau sau bine sa le faci pe toate.

Face fiacare cum vrea si cum crede,este soarta lui/ei in definitiv si de ascultat pe mine...in nici un caz!Fiecare are zidul lui propriu de care se da cu capul la un moment dat,pe al meu l-am si spart deja demult,dar asta e viata si asa cum ti-o faci asa o traiesti si nu te uita in urma,enjoy the rest of your life 'cause it's very short!

LOVE&PEACE,
Ozzy














ietete...... - de Belle la: 21/01/2005 16:36:25
(la: despre barbati ... fara suparare :))
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules:

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1.
Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that

1.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1.
Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be

1.
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1.
Crying is blackmail.

1.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
JUST SAY IT!

1.
‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

1.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

1.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

1.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days

1.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

1.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
Not both
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

1.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials

1.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

1.
ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle

1.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear

1.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really

1.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
Sex,
Sport, or
Cars

1.
You have enough clothes

1.
You have too many shoes

1.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education


~~~~ I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it
#34066 (raspuns la: #32745) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
la malul cui? - de florin-liviu la: 19/02/2005 19:19:28
(la: lacustra)
la malul cui?
nu/mi plac mall-urile...
#36834 (raspuns la: #36738) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
Do you know we exist? - de psychedelic la: 10/04/2005 07:04:57
(la: Lacrimi Mangaiate de Realitate(partea a II a))
Do you know the warm progress
under the stars?

Do you know we exist?

Have you forgotten the keys
to the kingdom

Have you been borne yet
& are you alive?

Let's reinvent the gods, all teh myths
of the ages

Celebrate symbols from deep elder forests

[Have you forgotten the lessons
of the ancient war]

We need great golden copulations

The fathers are cackling in trees
of the forest

Our mother is dead in the sea

Do you know we are being led to
slaughters by placid admirals

& that fat slow generals are getting
obscene on young blood

Do you know we are ruled by T.V.

The moon is dry blood beast

Guerrilla bands are rolling numbers
in the next block of green vine

amassing for warfare on innocent
herdsman who are just dying

O great creator of being

grant us one more hour to
perform our art
& perfect our lives

The moths & atheists are doubly divine
& dying

We live, we die
& death not ends it

Journey we more into the
Nightmare
Cling to life
Our passion'd flower

Cling to Cunts & cocks
of despair

We got our final vision
by clap

Columbus groin got
filled w/green death

(I touched her thigh
& death smiled)

We have assembled inside this ancient
& insane theatre

To propagate our lust for life
& flee the swarming wisdom
of the streets

The barns are stormed

The windows kept

& only one of all the rest

To dance & save us

W/the divine mockery
of words

Music inflames temperament

(When the true King's murderers

are allowed to roam free

a 1000 Magicians arise in the land)

Where are the feasts

we are promised

Where is the wine
The New Wine
(dying on the vine)
resident mockery
give us an hour for magic
We of the purple glove
We of the starling flight
& velvet hour
We of arabic pleasures's breed
We of sundome & the night

Give us a creed

To believe

A nightr of lust

Give us trust in

The Night

Give of color

hundred hues

a rich mandala

for me & for you

& for your silky

pillowed house

a head, wisdom

& a bed

Troubled decree

Resident mockery

has claimed thee

We used to believe

in the good old days

We still receive

In little ways

The things of Kindness

& unsporting brow

Forget & allow

Did you know freedom exists
in school books

Did you know madmen are
running our prisons

w/in a jail, w/in a gaol
w/in a white free protestant
maelstrom

We're perched headlong
on the edge of boredom

We're reaching for death
on the end of a candle

We're trying for something
that's already found us

Wow, I'm sick of doubt
Live in the light of certain
south

Cruel bindings

The sevants have the power

dog-men & their mean women
pulling poor blankets over
our sailors

I'm sick of dour faces
Starong at me from the T.V.

Tower, I want roses in
my garden bower; dig?

Royal babies, rubies
must now replace aborted

Strangers in the mud

These mutants, blood-meal
for the plant that's plowed
they are waiting to take us into
the severed garden

Do you know how pale & wanton thrillful
comes death on a stranger hour
unannounced, unplanned for

like a scaring over-friendly guest you've
brought to bed

Death makes angels of us all
& gives us wings
where we had shoulders
smooth as raven's
claws

No more money, no more fancy dress
This other kingdom seems by far the best
until its other jaw reveals incest
& loose obedience to a vegetable law

I will not go
Prefer a feast of friends
To the Giant family
#42799 (raspuns la: #40934) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
abuz sexual, homosexualitate, boala - de Cassandra la: 25/05/2005 14:54:31
(la: Oamenii devin homosexuali/lesbiene, sau se nasc asa ?)
Este homosexualitatea o boala si ca atare trebuie aplicate tratamente pentru "vindecarea" ei?

Revista Americana de Psihiatrie a publicat in 1999 un articol: “Position statement on psychiatric treatment and sexual orientation. Am J Psychiatry 1999; 156:1131” , (articol aprobat de Board of Trustees of the American Psychiatric Association ) in care atrage atentia profesionalilor din sectorul sanatatii mintale asupra faptului ca nu exista evidenta stiintifica care sa sprijine eficienta tratamentelor pentru schimbarea orientarii sexuale. Articolul se adreseaza temei homosexualitatii si adopta o pozitie clara “impotriva discriminarii, prejudecatilor, si tratamentelor ne etice” (p. 1131)

In ceea ce priveste abuzul sexual la minori (baieti), este o tema extrem de complexa. Abuzul poate fi exercitat nu numai de barbati dar si de femei (de multe ori de propria mama) si ceea ce lasa in urma este in primul rind o trauma psihica pentru cel abuzat, care il va urmari toata viata. Homosexualitatea nu este principala preocupare la aceste persoane ci faptul ca sufera de confuzie in privinta propriei identitati sexuale. Eu cred ca in primul rind trebuie ajutati sa-si depaseasca aceasta confuzie si sa-si cunoasca si accepte identitatea sexuala oricare ar fi ea. Un fapt este cert – nu toti abuzatii sexual devin homosexuali. Iar daca terapistii s-ar incapatina doar sa-i vindece de homosexualitate cind de fapt atentia lor ar trebui indreptata spre multe alte aspecte cum sint increderea de sine, increderea in ceilalti, eliminarea sentimentului de vinovatie, agresivitatii etc, ce solutie ar mai avea aceste victime?
Male survivor este o organizatie pentru baietii si barbatii abuzati sexual. http://www.malesurvivor.org/index.htm Din aceasta pagina citez:

Ten Facts about Sexual Abuse of Boys and its Aftermath

6. Common symptoms for sexually abused men include: guilt, anxiety, depression, interpersonal isolation, shame, low self-esteem, self-destructive behavior, post-traumatic stress reactions, poor body imagery, sleep disturbance, nightmares, anorexia or bulimia, relational and/or sexual dysfunction, and compulsive behavior like alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, overeating, overspending, and sexual obsession or compulsion.

8. There is no compelling evidence that sexual abuse fundamentally changes a boy's sexual orientation, but it may lead to confusion about sexual identity and is likely to affect how he relates in intimate situations

Si mai citez din aceeasi pagina, sint cuvintele unui membru al organizatiei, victima abuzului sexual:

“SA does not create gay people - if that were true then the majority of SA boys or girls would grow up gay.
I think what is more important to focus on is what we intend to do with whatever our orientation is. The important thing is to accept ourselves just as we are and learn to love the person that is deep inside of us. And, if we are lucky at sometime in life, we will find someone else who loves us unconditionally - be that male, female, gay, straight, etc.
There are no simple answers in life and, as I said in my previous post, life is FULL of shades of grey.”


Si iata ce raspund participantii (toti sint victime ale abuzului sexual) forumului din pagina respectiva cind li s-a cerut sa scrie o lista de minciuni in legatura cu conditia lor:

Minciuni:
“I must be gay because I liked it & went back.

I must be gay because I looked for gay sex on my own afterward.

Don't even think of having a girlfriend, girls wont like you. They will smell your shame like dog sh*t.
Uncle F loved me.
I don't belong here. (everywhere, anywhere: I feel this at home, at friend's houses, in school, at work, while travelling of living abroad.)
I have to become a CONTROL freak to keep from being vulnerable.

I held onto these lies until three four years ago (age 31 then). My wife came up with the name "the wall" for the prison I kept my heart in. It blew my mind away how
much the abuse & the lies shaped my life. It tainted every decision I made in my life, it probably still does to a degree.

~George~”



“THIS IS A LIE:
I am dumb.
I am stupid.
I am an idiot.
I have shit for brains.
I am booksmart but not smart.
I have no common sense.
I can't think.

THIS IS A LIE:
Mothers don't sexually abuse.

THIS IS A LIE:
My body responded, I must have enjoyed it.

THIS IS A LIE:
I must be a sissy, because this only happens to sissies and girls.

This is a lie:
I am gay

This is a lie:
I should cease to exist

This is a lie:
I cannot face this.

This is a lie:
Therapy will kill me.

This is a lie:
I cannot trust

This is a lie:
I am inconsequential

This is a lie:
I am alone in this, no one could possibly understand what I've been through.

This is a lie:
I am an embarrassment to the family

This is a lie:
Death is better than life”


Ce remarc este ca aceste persoane se infrunta mai degraba cu o serie de minciuni induse de societate si de fapt asta este "boala" de care sufera si de care au nevoie sa se vindece. Iar cine insista pe tema homosexualitatii ca boala, perversiune, tara sociala etc. nu face decit sa contribuie la trauma acestor persoane.
do you feel lucky, punk? - Di - de Horia D la: 18/07/2005 22:25:34
(la: Topul 100 citate celebre din filme)
do you feel lucky, punk? - Dirty Harry
dollies - de Horia D la: 23/08/2005 19:32:59
(la: Trancaneala Aristocrata "5")
A man goes into an adult entertainment shop and asks
the assistant for an inflatable doll.
"Would you like male of female?"
"Female, please."
"Would you like Black, or White?"
"White, please."
"Would you like Christian or Muslim?"
This question confused the man . . . and he replied,
"What has the religion got to do with it? It's an inflatable doll!"
"Well," explained the assistant, "The Muslim one blows itself up!"
#67347 (raspuns la: #67346) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
Bart, te inseli amarnic! - de cico la: 01/09/2005 20:46:44
(la: Barurile de streaptease)
Aceste baruri ... nu exista in Romania, ele nu exista nici in alte tari mai "civilizate". Aceste baruri exista in serialele americane gen "Beverly Hills".
... Oricum... cand se inventeaza un bar de asta, cum ai vazut tu prin filme, sa scrii neaparat adresa pe site.


Ca exemplu, vorbeam mai jos cu Lascar de baruri de-acestea ieftine prin Montreal. Deci ai putea sa parcurgi comentariile, inainte sa faci afirmatii in necunostinta de cauza ;) N-am de gind sa le fac pe-aici reclama, dar iata (informativ numai) o lista cu unele din ele: http://www.montrealnitelifetours.com/montreal-strip-clubs.shtml .

Si poti sa ma crezi pe cuvint ca-n citeva poti intr-adevar:
- servi GRATUIT bufetul de prinz (maninci cit poti, din mai multe feluri de mincare la alegere!)
- comanda un dans privat (in separeu) de cca 5 minute (streaptease, dar nu ai voie s-atingi) cu numai $5. Mai mult, e vorba de $ canadieni, deci revine sub $4 US!!!
- performerele NU iti vor indeplini alte pofte. Nici nu sint acolo pt asta, iar apoi barul si-ar pierde lesne licenta si credibilitatea.
- multe din fete sint studente, fac NUMAI streaptease si nu au vreun interes sa se "vinda" si pt altceva.

Daca tot nu crezi, mai intreaba. Sau ...vino in Canada! :)))))

ps Sa pun un link si pt doamne: http://english.montrealplus.ca/portal/profile.do?profileID=476200

Redefining the notion of girls' night out, Club 281 continues to attract large crowds of eager women looking to celebrate an engagement, graduation or a night out away from the guys!

Take note: Male patrons are not allowed in unless they are accompanied by a female companion. :)))
#69081 (raspuns la: #68940) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
jimilica, uite: - de Horia D la: 21/09/2005 21:19:13
(la: Trancaneala Aristocrata "5")
The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating
enough frequent flyer miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking
about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they
have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do
it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for
the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go
off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.

"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.

"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"

"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"

"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.
With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite
impressively long.

"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow...."

"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his
member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely
exciting to the woman.

"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fall into bed and make mad, passionate
love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their
separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How
about you?"

"It was horrible," he replies. "All I got was a headache. She kept
slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."


Deci in concluzie, sti tu ce sti:))
Men strike back!!! - de Horia D la: 21/09/2005 21:25:13
(la: Trancaneala Aristocrata "5")
How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do men fart more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I married a Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.

It's called a Wedding Cake.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Women will never be equal to men until they can

walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

#73771 (raspuns la: #73769) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
Why do men fart more than wom - de Horia D la: 22/09/2005 04:27:51
(la: cugetari cu aroma de cafea)
Why do men fart more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
Why do men have nipples? - de Cassandra la: 29/09/2005 23:34:49
(la: Oamenii nu se trag din maimuta)
"se va raspunde si la intrebarea: Why do men have nipples?"

Why do men have nipples?

Because men are basically just women with dicks :)
#75674 (raspuns la: #75656) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
Subject : americans - de giocondel la: 07/10/2005 23:08:47
(la: Trancaneala Aristocrata "6")


These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
Things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot? ____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep,
He doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
_______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
Began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.





"To merit the madness of love, man must abound in sanity"
-The Seven Valleys-

servus VOI - de om la: 01/11/2005 15:41:37
(la: Trancaneala Aristocrata "6")
Arunc si eu niste bancuri de dimineata (aici :) si va doresc o zi buna!

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

===============

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
Gates, damn it!

===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I
try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed
it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find
it...

===============

Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.



===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

===============

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work

===============

Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

===============

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

#83588 (raspuns la: #83576) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului



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