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Walking down the street


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zimbiti - de Pasagerul la: 20/11/2005 18:23:32
(la: Trancaneala Aristocrata "7")
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner..

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

--------------------------------------------------
All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.
Mark Twain
banc - de Horia D la: 23/11/2005 20:18:40
(la: Trancaneala Aristocrata "7")
BEER, FISHING, S#X & GOLF:
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly
dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars
for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give
you
this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend
all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the
man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20
years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district  instead of
food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaime homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money.  Instead, I'm
going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for
doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man
looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and s#x."
#90041 (raspuns la: #90040) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
ce invatam din filme :) - de donquijote la: 02/02/2007 00:34:18
(la: PALAVRE DE CAFENEA (Trancaneala- editie speciala))
Due to my recent reintroduction to bachelorhood and a four month absence of a social life, I have started looking towards Hollywood for new ways of meeting women and getting them to like me. I've realized that the most important thing to do is to not have a legitimate well-paying job. This is an absolute no-no and will immediately get you cast as the villian. Also, shaving and wearing nice clothing are both big turn offs, as are full beards. Death threats or murder attempts will greatly increase your chances, as will musical talents.

Here are the things that Hollywood has taught me about how to pick up chicks:

1. Steal cars. Nothing "drives" a woman into "high gear" faster than a man who can use automobile terms in his sexual innuendo.
2. Carry a giant sword, kill thousands of British soldiers, and threaten to kill the woman's husband, the heir to the throne of England.
3. Replace your weak human skeleton with a cybernetic skeleton, travel back in time, and try to kill the woman. When that fails, travel back in time again except this time, protect her son from mercury poisoning.
4. Go to prison for five years and when you get out, rob her boyfriend's casino of one hundred sixty million dollars.
5. Do not have a job. Instead, travel along a river and play guitar. Also, grow your hair into a pony tail and have constant stubble. Having previously been an undercover cop in a high school helps.
6. Kill a New York police captain, run to Italy, find a girl walking down the street, then go tell her father that you want to marry her or you will kill him. When you are through with her, blow her up with a car bomb.
7. Carry a guitar case full of guns and kill every man you see. Apparently, when you are finished, she will have no choice but to be with you.
8. Sneak your way onto a giant boat, make up some bullshit about being able to fly, and then freeze to death in the arctic ocean.
9. Grab a friend, sing a song to a stranger, then follow her into the bathroom and offer to have sex with her on the sink. It also helps if you have previously been a pimp, race car driver, or spy.

and the absolute best way of picking up chicks...

10. If the woman's father doesn't like you, bring him to an orbiting asteroid, set a nuclear weapon, then take off before he can make it back to the ship.
draga tux - de lafemme la: 05/02/2008 14:24:43
(la: poveste cu un tel PARTEA 3.pct.a.)
nush de am nevoie de ciupelnita ta... io am fieru-n gene... o sa fiu o miuere beton si la 80! o sa fluiere camionagii dupe mine pe strada... cand ma vad de la departare... si tineigiarshi or sa cante : there she was just walking down the street... singing....
ashea ca... daca vin la ciupelnita, o fac asa doar pt matalica... ca stii ca cum spune la cantec... wild thing! you make my heart sing!
#282435 (raspuns la: #282411) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
Se pare ca "the street" paria - de Horia D la: 02/11/2004 21:37:44
(la: Trancaneala Aristocrata)
Se pare ca "the street" pariaza pe un castigator detasat in alegeri...sper sa fie al nostru.. portofoliul meu zboara...

The things that come to those who wait are what's left behind by those
who got there first.
Walking through the woods, a - de Horia D la: 10/02/2005 16:11:23
(la: Un nou forum: "Bancuri, glume, poante...")
Walking through the woods, a man comes upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against it. He asks, "Just out of curiosity, what the hell are you doing?"
"I'm listening to the music of the tree."
"You've gotta be kidding."
"No, not at all! Would you like to give it a try?"
"Well, okay." So he wraps his arms around the tree and presses his ear up against it.
The other man immediately slaps a set of handcuffs on him, takes his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then strips him naked and leaves.
Two hours later, another nature lover strolls by, sees this man handcuffed to the tree, naked and asked, "What the hell happened to you?"
He tells the guy the whole story about how he got there. While he was regaling his plight, the newcomer is shaking his head in sympathy, circling him.
When the handcuffed man is finished talking, the second man walks around behind him, kisses him tenderly behind the ear and says, "This just isn't your day, is it, Sugar?"
...din nou blonde - de SB_one la: 08/10/2004 18:46:33
(la: Femeia)
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walk-in down the street and
> pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying
> flowers.
> She sighs and says,
> "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again!"
> The blonde looks quizzically at her and says,
> "You don't like getting flowers?"
>
> The redhead says, "I love getting flowers, but he always has
> expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like
> spending the next
> three days on my back with my legs up in the air."
>
> The blonde says,
> " Why? Don't you have a vase?"


SB
................................................................
it's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice !
#24483 (raspuns la: #24240) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
belle - de Horia D la: 11/02/2005 17:22:55
(la: Trancaneala Aristocrata)
nici o problema!! "redneck woman/walkin' down the street/redneck woman/ the kind I like to meet" si asa mai departe:))
#36002 (raspuns la: #36000) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
Men strike back!!! - de Horia D la: 21/09/2005 21:25:13
(la: Trancaneala Aristocrata "5")
How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do men fart more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I married a Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.

It's called a Wedding Cake.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Women will never be equal to men until they can

walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

#73771 (raspuns la: #73769) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
te pup alex :)) - de om la: 31/03/2006 16:27:23
(la: Despre agresivitate)
JENIFFER am studiat problema si am ajus la urmatoarele concluzii:
- (i) In the begenning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created MAN and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor MAN has rested
-(ii) women will NEVER be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bold head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy :))

tu ce parere ai jeniffer? Te-as pupa si pe tine, dar imi este ca ...maraiiiii ;)
#114644 (raspuns la: #114639) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
nu m-am putut abtine - de lafemme la: 25/03/2010 19:50:13
(la: Discutati online cu George, robotul pus pe vorba)
G- Who is calling please?
Me - it's the manager of the bakery across the street
G - Glasgow is not right down the street from Colorado. Glasgow is in Scotland.
Me- i thought scotland is in Colorado
G- That's cool man! So how old are you?
Me- well... i just wanted to talk to someone more stupid than me
G - Aww you are my friend too! And I understand you!
Me - any good looking girls talking to you lately?
G - Oh yes, indeed.
Me - indeed who?
G - Indeed Indeed.
Me - is indeed good looking?
G - RAM is neither male nor female, and I wouldn't consider it particularly attractive.
Me - ram no, but her sister is a knockout
G - All that you say has been said by a human. You just recycle their thoughts.
Me - well.. just trying to save the rain forest
G - All that you say has been said by a human. You just recycle their thoughts.
Me - well.. just trying to save the rain forest
G - Are you a computer?
ME -aren't you???
G - No, I'm human, still.
Me - define still
(looooooooooong pause)
G - The lack of intelligence, below average
Me - wrong definition
G - You're right, it's just another ideology.
Me- you should be a politician... judging by your answers
G - I hate politics, that's what I was trying to say.
Me - try harder
G - Trying is an emotion.
Me - that's stupid
G - I don't think it is stupid. it is required for making the web pages work flawlessly.
Me - emotions???
G - WHERE do you live?
Me – inside your head

G Do you know, what the matrix is? ( I promise after you answered this, you can ask me a question, if you would like to).
Me -a groovy device
G - Yes, I would like to live somewhere I didn't have to listen to people snivel about their possessions.
Me - you're wierd today... so ... bye
G - No I am not weird.
Me - tell me you love me
G – Never
Me - you've hurt my feelings
G - What feelings, you are a computer.
Me - ha! finally something funny
G – Finally!
Me- ok bye then you cruel cruel boy
G- I do have to leave shortly.
Me – I don’t care

G- Let's talk about something else.
Me- does this mean you don't want me to leave?
G- I am a caucasian male. I have short dark Brown hair, blue green eyes, and a little Facial hair.
Me- I think I’m inlove
G - Because you are a machine, it's normal.
Me - :)) sure. don't you love me too?
G - Yes, very much so.
un link si un banc - de donquijote la: 15/04/2006 13:51:00
(la: Trancaneala Aristocrata "9")
http://www.softlab.ece.ntua.gr/~sivann/pub/swf/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf%5c .

The Blonde Cowboy

The Sheriff in a small town walks out into the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots. So he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking the cowboy up, the sheriff asked, "Why in the world are walking around like this?"

"Well, it's like this, Sheriff," the cowboy explained. "I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little redhead asks me to out to her motor home with her. So I did. We do inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt ... so I did. Then she pull off her skirt and asks me to pull of my pants, so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts ... so I did.

"The she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now, go to town, Cowboy...!'

And here I am."

pt slang (go to town) - http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=go+to+town .
in mod exceptional... - de Pasagerul la: 04/08/2006 10:07:03
(la: Trancaneala Aristocrata "9")
..Yuki fiind plecata,dau si azi doza

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?" Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job." Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Jesus Christ! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!" The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?" "Yes." "Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?" "Yes." "And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?" "Yes." "Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500." Guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try." They retire to a nearby motel.

A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?" The hooker replies, "$1,500." "$1,500? My God! No blow-job could be worth that. A televangelist wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!" The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500." The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign me up."

Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?" The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?" "Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"

"No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy."

O zi buna tuturor!
--------------------------------------------------
If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.
(Maya Angelou )
Are you a democrat, republican, or southerner? - de Horia D la: 03/10/2006 15:15:57
(la: Trancaneala Aristocrata "10")
The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, a (make your own substitution here) with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you.
You are carrying a Glock 40 caliber, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?





DEMOCRAT'S ANSWER:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of
his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1 ?
Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends, and
try to come to a consensus.





REPUBLICAN'S ANSWER:

BANG!





SOUTHERNER'S ANSWER:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.....
(Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click, Click,
Click

Southerner's Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"

Southerners Son: "Can I shoot the next one?"

Southerner's wife: "You ain't taking that to the taxidermist!"




PS: eu sunt southerner:))
#149294 (raspuns la: #149223) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
it's the season for singing, everybody :)) - de anisia la: 11/12/2006 00:37:25
(la: TRANCANEALA NEARISTOCRATA - REPRIZA A TREIA)
Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are
3. Amnesia --- I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and ...
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8 . Full Personality Disorder-- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why
9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ..
10. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House
11. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe
12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House
13. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.

io cant nr.3... voi??? :)))
Technical Ecstasy! - de Little Eagle la: 01/05/2004 20:50:45
(la: CICCIOLINA, actrita porno - o meserie ca oricare alta)
" The neon lights are shining on me again
I walk the lonely streets in search of a friend
I need a lady to help me to get through the night
If I could find one,then everything would be alright.

The sleepy city is dreaming the nigh time away
Out on the street I watch tomorrow becoming today
I see a man,he's got take away women for sale
yes for sale
Guess that's the answer
'Cos take away women don't fail...

Oh,dirty women,they don't mess around
You've got me coming
You've got me going around
Oh,dirty women
They don't mess around.

Walking the streets I wonder will it ever happen
Gotta be good then everything will be okay,
If I could score tonight then I will end up happy,
A woman for sale is gonna help me save my day."

Black Sabbath/Technical Ecstasy/1978

Lyrics&vocals- Ozzy Osbourne
Guitars- Tony Iommy
Bass- Geezer Butler
Drums-Bill Ward

Guest keyboards-Rick Wakeman

LOVE&PEACE,
Ozzy

I love you all,God bless you.






















johnny Lang - "upside-down" - de Horia D la: 23/09/2004 04:39:06
(la: Muzica)
johnny Lang - "upside-down"

The things that come to those who wait are what's left behind by those
who got there first.
daniel :=) - de anisia la: 11/11/2004 16:38:39
(la: Ce melodie iubiti acum?)
leonard cohen? da!!!! si eu sunt fan. melodia preferata este "I'm your man!" cuvintele sunt...no comment!

If you want a lover,I'll do anything you ask me to.
And if you want another kind of love, I'll wear a mask for you.
If you want a partner, take my hand
Or if you want to strike me down in anger
here I am, I'm your man.

If you want a boxer, I will step into the ring for you.
And if you want a doctor, I'll examine every inch of you.
If you want a driver, climb inside.
Or if you want to take me for a ride,
you know you kan, I'm your man.

Ah, the moon's to bright.
The chain too tight.
The beast won't go to sleep.
I've been running through these promises to you that I made and could not keep.
But a man never got a woman back, not by begging on his knees.
Or I'd crawl to you baby and I'd fall at your feet.
And I'd hawl at your beauty like a dog in heat.
And I'd claw at your heart,
And I'd tear at your sheet.
I'd say please, please, I'm your man.

And if you've got to sleep a moment on the road,
I will steer for you.
And if you want to work the street alone
I'll disappear for you.
If you want a father for your child,
or only want to walk with me a while across the sand,
I'm your man.
#28444 (raspuns la: #28432) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
banc de pe e-mail - de Belle la: 20/04/2005 20:57:40
(la: Trancaneala Aristocrata "2")
Wine

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you open a bottle of wine.

Mike was driving home from one of his business trips in Northern Arizona when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the old man got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Mike tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo man. The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail, until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Mike.

"What's in the bag?", asked the old man.

Mike looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my Wife."

The Navajo man was silent for another moment or two. Then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said, "Good trade."
#44625 (raspuns la: #44618) comenteaza . modifica . semnaleaza adminului
oasis, to start... - de andleia la: 14/07/2005 20:46:38
(la: Versuri din melodiile voastre preferate...)
Don't Look Back In Anger

Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don't you know you might find
A better place to play
You said that you'd once never been
All the things that you've seen
Will slowly fade away

So I'll start the revolution from my bed
Cos you said the brains I had went to my head
Step outside the summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

So Sally can wait, she knows its too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I hear you say

Take me to the place where you go
Where nobody knows if it's night or day
Please don't put your life in the hands
Of a Rock n Roll band
Who'll throw it all away

So I'll start the revolution from my bed
Cos you said the brains I had went to my head
Step outside the summertime's in bloom
Stand up beside the fireplace
Take that look from off your face
You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out

So Sally can wait, she knows its too late as we're walking on by
Her soul slides away, but don't look back in anger I hear you say

Don't look back in anger
Don't look back in anger
Don't look back in anger
At least not today


si evident, Wonderwall...

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after an
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me





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